SAT . BREAKING: J.D. Vance goes viral with a cringey Thanksgiving rant about how he hates eating turkey and says that you’re “full of shit” if you like it — leaving the audience totally flabbergasted.
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BREAKING: J.D. Vance goes viral with a cringey Thanksgiving rant about how he hates eating turkey and says that you’re “full of shit” if you like it — leaving the audience totally flabbergasted.
If this is the best that Republicans have to offer in 2028, they’re in deep trouble…
“Think about turkey. Who really likes, be honest with yourselves, who really likes turkey? You’re all full of shit. Everybody who raised your hand. I know,” Vance said to a gathering of U.S. troops at Fort Campbell, Tennessee.
“Think about it. And here’s, here’s how I know that every single one of you who raised your hand is lying to me. How many times do you roast an 18 pound turkey just randomly?” Vance continued. “Just, you know, a nice summer afternoon, we’re going to go get an 18 pound turkey.”
“Nobody does it because turkey doesn’t actually taste that good,” he insisted. “But on Thanksgiving, on the most American holiday, I got a, I got a fan over here. On the most American holiday, we’re going to cook a turkey by God because that’s what Americans do.”
“We cook this gigantic American bird and we do all kinds of crazy things to make it taste good,” Vance went on. “I talked a soldier today who she said she’s going to deep fry a turkey. And I’m actually going to deep fry a turkey myself tomorrow.”
“And look, here’s the thing. If you’ve got to deep fry something to make it taste good, it probably isn’t that good,” said Vance. “That’s a pretty good rule of thumb when it comes to food. “Chicken is good all the time. Chicken is good when you deep fry it, but it’s also good outside of it. But here’s the thing about Thanksgiving, it is so American because at the heart of it is the spirit of gratitude.”
Clearly, Vance was trying to charm his audience with this bizarre, extended bit but this man is a blackhole of charisma. Everything he says comes off as weird, stilted, and unnatural. He is deeply inauthentic, overwhelmingly cynical, and is simply going through the motions of what he thinks that a charming politician would say and do.
Trump, while deeply evil and an unmitigated failure of a president, at least has an instinct for riffing and working a crowd (or at least he did before the cognitive decline hit like a haymaker). Vance doesn’t even have that low talent. He’s an empty suit foisted into power by Peter Thiel and the dark money oligarchs and his presidential campaign in 2028 is going to crash and burn harder than his attempts at humor.
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